HAVING IT ALL

Our society tells us can have it all if we have the “right attitude”—if we try hard enough. Women in particular take responsibility for a multitude of important roles: wife, mother, breadwinner, creative achiever, fitness buff, cook, and caregiver to relatives—to name a few. Men are not immune either, as gender roles blur and their roles become more inclusive.
The question is not “Can I have it all?” because you can’t.
The right question is “Do I know myself well enough to make the decisions I will have to make to have the life of my choosing?”
The consequence of attempting to ‘have it all’ is an unrealistic expectation about our capacity to “do it all” while maintaining a healthy balance in our lives.
Knowing what types of choices will drain it us, create exhaustion, leave us emotionally flat or over-reactive, or allow us to do what we love while feeling fully energized and alive is the key to balance.
Getting clear about what is most important to us, what kind of environment supports acquiring it and what in our conditioning gets in the way, can help us solve problems, care for ourselves better and do what we want to do with ease and pleasure.
Julia Stewart, a personal energy management coach has suggested that some of the things that consume our energy, often without our awareness, also interfere with the abundance, joy, good health and quality of life we say we want.
Superabundance: Because we value choice in our consumer society we have nurtured a system of consumerism that can offer so many options that we operate in overwhelm much of the time. The selections we make might save time and energy in the short run but deplete it in the long run. A wealth of options creates an opportunity but also a problem that needs to be solved. It forces us to put time and energy into decisions, even trivial ones. It can cause worry that we’ve made a mistake, raise our expectations about how good the final choice really is and elevate hopes so high that no matter how good the final result is it doesn’t met our desires. Do we really want to work longer and harder to support a lifestyle of consumerism?
Technology/toys: Watching TV, the Internet, playing computer games, etc. stimulates our eyes and brains in ways that make it hard for us to relax. So while we may be comfortably “flatlining” we’re not really resting. The result is a big disconnect between a body that is under-stimulated and a mind that is over-stimulated, with the result being less available energy for things we want or need to do (like going to bed!). If it is a problem for you, find ways to relax that are more energizing, and set boundaries around your 'screen time’, so that things that light up and move don’t take over your life.
Gratuitous food: Fast food, snacks, vending machines, mini-kitchens in the office, high sugar and high salt have our taste buds hooked. The result is we walk around feeling lethargic and bloated instead of alert and lively.
How did our ancestors maintain their health back in the old days?
How did they minister to their ills?
While acknowledging that today’s medical advances are extremely valuable in preserving our health and longevity, we might also learn from some of the behaviors of those who preceded us. Simple foods grown in gardens near the home. A routine that included some daily work outside or perhaps walking distances and using the body for chores that guaranteed their survival. We do not have to do these types of activities anymore and our bodies are suffering from it. What simple adjustment to your daily food and movement routine could make a big difference in your vitality?
Gratuitous information: Digital cable service provides us more channels for news, sports, weather, than we can ever watch. The information age version of superabundance hands us more information than we can ever process or use. Newspapers, magazines, e-magazines, radio stations that broadcast non-stop news programs are available to us 24-7. What can you do take in ‘enough’ knowledge while also protecting yourself from the time and energy drain of Too Much Information?
Machines that tell us what to do: It sounds like a great idea. Let machines remember the one million things you want to get done this week. The alarm systems on clocks, on your PDA, computer, watch, beeper, cell phone, etc. all have the right to tell you what to do and when. You’re too tired? Too bad! It’s time to get up!
When we let machines tell us what to do, especially when we’re in the middle of doing something that is restoring our energy, like spending time with a loved one or reading, we disregard our feelings about what the next moment is inviting us into and what the body says is its best reward. Managing energy, not time, is what distinguishes highly successful and satisfied people from everyone else. Consider this the next time you find yourself responding to a pre-set alarm.
Trying to control the future: Whether you call it worrying, planning, obsessing or covering your rear, this is one activity that “having it all” can really drive. When we closely monitor the weather or news, trying to figure out what will happen next so we'll be ready, we’re trying to control the future. When we worry about what other people will think when we do what we want, we’re trying to control the future.
Face it, you can’t control the future! You CAN get yourself ready by building up reasonable resources and reducing risks. Then you can relax and let the future show up however it wants. It will, anyway!
Instant energy, instant focus: We get this from several different sources the most common ones being adrenaline and caffeine. If your path to ‘having it all’ means using these substances to excess, you will compromise your health and find that stress and illness can negate good headway when your body says "enough!” These are not sources of sustainable energy when used in excess. What other ways can you create the type of energy you want?
High paid slavery: Americans have been referred to as the highest paid slaves in the world! We work longer hours than almost any other group on the planet. The Japanese actually keep track of the number of people who die from overwork each year, which they define as death brought on by working more than 60 hours per week. Why would work kill us? Too little REAL rest, too few breaks, too little fun?
Living at highly stressed, highly vigilant states wears out our systems and causes them to break down. When we’re absorbed in work we tend to ignore the body’s messages when it needs something. These ignored messages do up.
And why would we do this? Most of us aren’t starving. We do have a choice.
Maybe we think we have to work long and hard to have the money to pay for all that superabundance….that “having it all”.

Perhaps we are competitive, we want to please others, our identity is caught up in a role and we have “The Work Ethic.” Or should we start calling it the “Overwork Ethic.”
Bo Lozoff said in his book, We’re All Doing Time, “The culture is constantly trying to bait people with the idea that time is of the essence, that you have to accomplish more; you need to be at your computer with headphones on learning that extra language…People will soon realize that they ought to cut down on their material needs and their work time in order to be part of the community and of all creation.”
If we want to live long and healthy lives we need to put ourselves more at choice abut what we consider the ‘all’ that we seem to want to have.
Is it worth it in the long run? How much is enough? And what is most important to us in our lives.
You decide!

CLICK HERE TO RETURN TO ARTICLES